Awesome Thing #3

The Chicago White Sox

There is nothing better than watching the White Sox beat up on another team. The tradition within the oranization is what makes White Sox baseballe so great. Field of Dreams is also in the top five of every straight man's favorite movies and it's about the White Sox.

Sox vs Cubs at Home

The White Sox beat the Cubs 2 out of 3 games at home this year. After losing game one by only one run and winning game two with a walk off single by rookie Gordon Beckham, you might think game three would have been closer than the 6-0 score acheived by the Sox. Jermaine Dye is a huge reason for the Sox recent success. Recently winning co-American league player of the week with Yanks Mariano Rivera, he hit .435 with 2 homers and 7 RBIs last week.

My First Sox Game

One September 6th, 2008 I went to my first White Sox game. It was an amazing game against the Angels, a team on fire. The game went 15 innings and ended when Jim Thome hit a walk off home run. The home run was his 537th career home run and moved him ahead of Mickey Mantle for total career home runs. Jim Thome now occupies 14th place on the all time home run list alone.

Awesome Thing #2

Garden State is probably my favorite movie. I can see it almost as an updated version of The Graduate, but also completely different. It is an independent film that developed a pretty significant following. I searched for my favorite scene on youtube, but couldn't find it.

No one had uploaded the scene in front of the fireplace that ends with the perfect improv of Natalie Portman tap dancing. So I did it myself. This is Awesome thing #2, the Garden State Fireplace scene. There is a simple perfection that makes this scene a turning point in the movie. I hope you enjoy it, because this might be my favorite scene of any movie--and I have seen a lot.

Awesome Thing #1

Since I usually don't have anything to ramble on about on this site, I decided I would fill the blog with random things I think are awesome. These "Awesome things" will appear in no order, and will be focused at taking your attention away from the fact that I don't actually have anything to write about. The first awesome thing is Subway's Italian BMT sandwich. This is a great sandwich and is currently on the 5$ menu along with the rest of Subway's sandwiches. Subway describes this sandwich as "An old-world favorite. Sliced Genoa salami, pepperoni and ham and your choice of fresh vegetables and condiments served on freshly baked bread. Some say BMT stands for biggest, meatiest, tastiest. We wouldn’t disagree." I describe it as tasty and delicious. I liked the sandwich so much that I went to Hy-Vee and bought the meats so I could make it at home. That was a great decision on my part. I actually ended up really sad when I ran out of bread because I still had a lot of meat left, but couldn't continue to make the sandwich until I got more bread. No worries, I got more bread. So congratulations Mr. Italian BMT, you are Awesome Thing #1.

When the Jester Sang for the King and Queen

Mitch Hedberg was a legendary comic. Some called him a one-liner comedian, but his jokes seem to be much more than just one line... often there is a lot of thought in each joke. I didn't know who Mitch Hedberg was until his death in 2005. I was driving home from my girlfriend's place and listening to Bob and Tom. They talked about his death and had a comedian named Mike Birbiglia on who did a tribute to him. Mitch had always struggled with a drug addiction, and in 2005 it became the cause of his death. Later, I was able to see his Comedy Central special, a show filled with great lines. One of my favorites is this one "When we were on acid, we would go into the woods, because there was less chance that you would run into an authority figure. But we ran into a bear. My friend Duane was there, raising his right hand, swearing to help prevent forest fires. He told me, “Mitchell, Smokey is way more intense in person!”

It's too bad Mitch isn't around because he brought a large sigh of relief to anyone who was taking life too seriously and became lucky enough to hear his material. I recently came across a top ten list of Mitch Hedberg created by alternativereel.com and thought I would post it. So here it is:

Mitch Hedberg's Ten

#10 - On Flyers
“Whenever I walk, people try to hand me out flyers. And when someone tries to hand me out a flyer, it’s kinda like they’re saying, ‘Here—you throw this away.’”

#09 - On Mountain Climbing
“I want to climb a mountain—not so I can get to the top—cause I want to hang out at base camp. That seems fuckin’ fun as shit. You sleep in a colorful tent, you grow a beard, you drink hot chocolate, you walk around, ‘Hey, you going to the top?’ . . . ‘Soon.’”

#08 - On Rotisserie Chicken
“I think a rotisserie is like a really morbid Ferris wheel for chickens. It’s a strange piece of machinery . . . We will take the chicken, kill it, impale it, and then rotate it. And I’ll be damned if I’m not hungry! Because spinning chicken carcasses make my mouth water! I like dizzy chicken. With a side of potatoes of some sort.”

#07 - On Fettuccini Alfredo

“Fettuccini Alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults.”

#06 - On Sprite

“They say that the recipe for Sprite is lemon and lime, but I tried to make it at home, there’s more to it than that. ‘Hey, you want some more homemade Sprite, man?’ . . . ‘Not until you figure out what the fuck else is in it!’”

#05 - On Pringles

“I think Pringles’ initial intention was to make tennis balls. But on the day that the rubber was supposed to show up, a big truckload of potatoes arrived. But Pringles was a laid-back company. They said ‘Fuck it. Cut ‘em up!’”

#04 - On FedEx

“I like the FedEx guy, ’cause he’s a drug dealer and he don’t even know it! And he’s always on time.”

#03 - On Doughnuts

“I bought a doughnut and they gave me a receipt for the doughnut. I don’t need a receipt for the doughnut, I’ll just give you money and you give me the doughnut. End of transaction. We don’t need to bring ink and paper into this. I can’t imagine a scenario in which I would need to prove that I bought a doughnut. Some skeptical friend? ‘Don’t even act like I didn’t buy a doughnut, I’ve got the documentation right here. Oh wait, it’s back home in the file . . . under ‘D’, for doughnut.’”

#02 - On Acting

“My sister wanted to be an actress, but she never made it. She does live in a trailer. She got half way. She’s an actress, she just never gets called to the set.”

#01 - On Drugs

"I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too."

For more Mitch Hedberg jokes visit http://www.bestestblog.com/funniest-joke-of-the-day/185/

Even Bulldog fathers are walked over by their daughters...

It seems obvious that the majority of men are terrified of having kids. It also seems obvious that it is usually not necessarily the idea of having kids, but the idea of having a daughter. Every guy has his failures and he can only attempt to redeem those failures through a son. However, if he has a daughter, then he is completely aware of what men will eventually think when around her and that it will become impossible to protect her one hundred percent of the time. As sexist as it may sound, while women may not need protection any more than men do, a father will always feel the need to protect his daughter, and his daughter will always feel the need to take advantage of her father. Daughters have some kind of power over their fathers that disables them from saying no. I recently stumbled upon a video of an English bulldog meeting his daughter for the first time, and it takes her no time to show her father that he will give her anything she wants from now until eternity, and so the story goes...

I want an English bulldog badly because of how intimidating they look even though they are such softies. I imagine if I ever end up with a daughter, I will be as much of a wuss as this bulldog, so let's hope for a son... just not anytime soon. I think that probably makes me like most men, hoping for a son, because that is the only way to retain any kind of power... a daughter would walk over me more than my wife/girlfriend. But if I do have a daughter, then may god help the poor SOB who tries to date her first...

Valentine 09

This year for Valentine's day I will be receiving my gift one day early. My girlfriend and I are going to go to the new Friday the 13th movie. It's probably going to scare the piss out of her because she kind of lives out in the middle of nowhere so she doesn't have a great success rate when it come to watching scary movies. The Strangers was a bad one for her. Anyway, we'll see how our Valentine's day goes after she sees this movie.

Valentine's day is kind of a fake holiday anyway. Should good relationships need to use a holiday as an excuse to do something nice for each other? Probably not, but the restaurants, jewlery stores, and other gift stores appreciate it.

Groundhog, You've made my list

February 2nd. Every year, February 2nd seems to kick everyone going through a harsh winter while they are down. And yet as a society we continue to let an animal who is afraid of his shadow give us our weather forecast. Don't people go to college for that? That groundhog is a weather-hope stealing beast.

The main groundhog, Punxsutawney Phil from Pennsylvania continues to betray us year after year. This holiday is in a way a combination of Christmas and April fool's day. Each year we see a glimpse of hope that we just might be able to see spring, like a wrapped present under the tree but just as we are ready to open that present and unable to wait any longer, Santa sees his shadow and takes his presents back up the chimney for another six weeks... at least.

You might be wondering what kind of a track record this Punxsutawney Phil (AKA weather-hope stealing beast, Bucktooth Spring hater, Fury Peter Pan, Cowardly wannabe gopher) has... out of his last 112 predictions he has only predicted an early spring 14 times. That is 98 times this coward has gone back into his hole. The only good thing to originate from Groundhog's Day other than your extremely rare early spring, is the movie with always hilarious Bill Murray. So Punxsutawney Phil, until you give me an early spring... you can consider us not on speaking terms.

Last Semester

It's my last semester in college and I am attempting to follow my dreams in a country with a hellbent economy. The economy is the least of my worries, the reality of graduation has made me bluntly aware of how unaware I am of my dreams. I continue to refer to a piece of advice I heard "You should do for a living the same thing you would do if you won the lottery and never had to work again, do what you are passionate about." The problem is I have no idea what I would do if I won the lottery. I think everyday I would be terrified that I would die now that I had millions of dollars, and to be honest I know I don't want to live in fear of death. So now I'm confused. I don't remember what I wanted to be when I was a kid and I feel a little like Dustin Hoffman in the graduate when Mr. McGuire tells him to think about how the future is in plastics.

I have been looking for jobs in the Chicago area but am not really sure what I am looking for. I have only found one I'm interested in and getting that job would probably leave me as confused as I am now. I say that because all that I know I want right now is to live in Chicago and to get that job. So what do you do when you finally get everything you want? I'd imagine you end up pretty bored, I guess I better start looking for new interests to work towards. But if all of this is the biggest problem in my life right now, then I guess I have a pretty good thing going.